In vermont with Lithuanians. Speaking to V is a lot more comfortable than it used to be. We have these moments of novelty, almost like in a comedy special where it feels like a comedian is the first to describe a universally suppressed thought. It's nice how much I share in terms of family with V.
I feel quite out of energy and attribute it to the weed, dim lighting and people. Trying not to take adderall for some time. Trying to become more of my own person more selective in his engagements. This new years feels like such a waste of time. I don't know. I'm not sure why I'm not able to enjoy this. I'm reading crying in H mart even though I don't like it. It's just fine nouthing good or bad. Talks too much about food. Cool how I know about the acts that she reffers to.
Spent a lot of today cooking. Also just waiting for others to come. Decided to walk like 3 miles (total) to G to get some snacks. Overall feel irritable. Toes ingrown, sneezing. Couldn't stop sneezing as I left long island. Terribly difficult day. Mom shows her weird colors when she refuses to acknowledge that it is the dog. I'm having a hard time keeping track of things. My head feels like it's in so many places as I'm writing this. Felt awkward wearing the LT sweat shirt, which still had allergens from the dog on it. But also just like what am I doing. I can't tell if I am just in a weird mood semester, but I feel like it was like this last year too. Ever since covid I don't know. I don't really feel connected to I anymore, crazy to think that I ever had a crush on her.
Have been thinking for a long time about all the girls I've had in my life and about making a list of them. While most of them are gone to me at this point it's hard to deny that about every couple of mounts there a new main.
